UPDATE: SUCCESS!!! 🙂 I decided to pay the $50 notarized passport copy fee rather than spending any more time trying various banks in hopes of finding one that wouldn't ask for much. So, many forms later, I now have an account at Bangkok Bank. Thanks, everyone, for your guidance!
Unfortunately my account does not have online access-- they claimed a work permit was needed for that feature-- but I can still make it work for my future "seasoned funds" requirement.