You've already made up your mind. An agent will get you a bank account and a visa, if you qualify. So go ahead and spend a few thousand baht to do it that way
Get a friend in Korat to visit the Immigration Office and pick up the handout for Non-Imm O visa extention. You can apply for the visa online via the embassy in your country. It will initially be for 90 days. When you arrive, that will allow you time to open a bank account and 'season' 800,000 for 2 months, if that's the route you take.
There is an alternative route of showing you have 65,000 baht per month income. But the way you prove that differs from one IO office to another, hence the value of getting the handout from the office covering where you will live. Warning: Many IOs require a statement from your embassy in Thailand confirming your income. Many embassies will not provide this service, including the US and UK embassies, so this method is denied to you. Your remaining options are 800,000, as above, or use an agent to sort it all for you
It is not "unused" if you are staying there. They are the owners so have a legal responsibility to report an alien staying. You can sidestep it by booking into a hotel. One night would be enough, but do check with the hotel reception that they have filed the TM30, and ask them to print out proof for you to take away
In the case of Thailand, the e-visa system takes only a couple of days and you get an answer by email. If they grant the visa the email attachment can be printed and shown on arrival
Do you have a United Nations international travel document? Used for travel worldwide by someone who is stateless, for the time being. But you'll need to apply to the Thai embassy in London for a Visa.
Hope no one notices. Seriously, there is a good chance no one will notice. If anyone does, tell them the story of why it's wrong and how you can't correct it. It's clear you are not trying to adopt someone else's identity.