Your military background counts for absolutely nothing with respect to a Thai visa. There is absolutely no way you will get a Retirement Visa before you turn 50. Farming is out, marriage is a possibility, but a "marriage of convenience" is no more a good idea in Thailand than it would be to someone wanting to settle in the US. Your best bet in the circumstances would seem to be the Elite Visa
Thanks Brandon. I get mine through the Sri Racha office, which usually takes around 7-10 days for approval, so either 45 or 30 days less should fit in nicely.