Now you are not under any time pressure, as your kids will not facce any penalty. Do your non o visa and then when are school holidays or when it's good for you you can visit a consolate or even you can do a evisa for your children and make a border run
You don't need the money. Your 90 day nonO ist single entry, when you arrive in Thailand you go to the Immigration and you apply for a 1 year extension as a dependent of a person (your husband) you need only your husband passport and your certificate of marriage.
of course you can get. There is no requirement to stay in a hotel. Your friend just confirm the period of time you will stay in his house. Any rental contract is fine.
i think you have to proof that any Thai was refused entry to it's home country. You can enter with id, run out passport, even without any ID (when you are able to pass the other country immigration) the only point is that the immigration has the right to check your identity. So a id is 100% enough, an run out passport too because it holds all information to identify the holder. No country can refuse entry for it own citizen. Otherwise international travel wouldn't work. And this is not only valid for Thailand but for all countries.