OK here's some information; it appears you screwed up by not planning to apply for your first extension of stay at the same immigration office that issued your non-o. Your attacking people who aren't in a position to get you your extension. You'll have to talk to your immigration offices and see what they can do for you.
I don't really have any advice, I would try either/both immigration offices. Just confirming for you that the first extension of a Thailand obtained non-o needs to be done at the issuing office.
Depends entirely on how much you like your hotel room. In Phuket you have to spend on average about 6 hours in your hotel room. In Bangkok you spend 322 hours.
you can't extend a Non-O visa (90 days) for 30 days the only allowable extension you would have is a year retirement extension that comes with financial requirements, such as 800k in a Thai bank.