I got my eVisa 90 days over the net, from Japan, before even setting my foot into Thai. Then, used an agent and my 1 year extension is in my passport, with another stamp for multi entry. Bank account, bank passbook and ATM card with me. Took 2 business days.
Talk to Siam Legal. They have their offices in America and cater for Americans too. Never engaged them (I met, personally the owner,an Amarican, in Bangkok) but those who did, expensive but efficient.
No FaceBook characters would take you where you want to be, just like this, for free.