Too bad that's listed under "Recommendations for foreigners WITH (keyword WITH) Non-Immigrant Visa “O-A” (Long Stay) while staying in the Kingdom" since I am not a person currently WITH an O visa, I then followed instructions on "3. Channels to submit application" which is what I am actually trying to do. Thus, incompetence stands.
They immediately asked me where my wife was. I said she is in Phuket, where she lives and works. The officer immediately said I must file everything in Phuket and refused to help me further.