I don't really know how to start this post but I am seeking out information from people with experience/knowledge from both Expats and Thai's.
Sadly I have recently lost my dear partner Chanpen (Janphen). She came to visit me in the UK after we had been apart for just over 18 months and as I was dreading us reaching a 2 year milestone I asked her to visit me. Its a long story but I was trying to sort out my UK home to permanently leave and go to Thailand.
She arrived in the UK 26th of May. By around 10th June she was becoming very unwell. Initially we both thought it was a fever brought on by the drastic change in temperatures with the UK being typically 10c lower. On 17th June she was admitted to A & E and went straight into a critical care ward because she had Sepsis. She was stabilised and discharged 25th June and sent home with antibiotics to take until 5th July. By 10th July she was re-admitted again very ill with Sepsis. She never returned home 😭💔
I am being eaten up with questions of should I have done this or that? When she was admitted 17th June a CT Kub scan was done and this revealed a 17cm tumour. Apparently anything over 10 cm is regarded as large.
There was without doubt 'a window of opportunity' to get her home between 25th of June and 5th July (10 days). I can't help but wonder if she had returned to Thailand she would have had a better chance of survival. I can tell you now that our wonderful NHS did nothing for 6 weeks, just allowing the tumour to grow at a rapid rate so that by the time they operated she looked 9 months pregnant. Post operation (she nearly passed away during the operation) she had no chance of survival. This was because the tumour was allowed to grow into her intestine and large parts had to be removed along with the tumour. This meant that post operation she was never strong enough for chemotherapy. They effectively left her to eventually die and she passed away 13th October with no cancer treatment whatsoever. She died here in the UK with no family and friends around her apart from myself.
I feel so guilty that I never got her home in the short 10 day window. An appointment had already been made to see a gynecologist set far too in the distance about 3 weeks and I wanted us to get more information. They later cancelled this appointment and she was then re-admitted. I have to live with the decisions I made for the rest of my life. I truly believe that if she had returned to Thailand she would have had a better chance of survival.
I am interested to know what others think? I know nothing can bring her back. The tumour turned out to be a cancer called Sarcoma which is aggressive and fast growing. They didn't even do the first biopsy until they removed the tumour! She probably never had a chance anyway but I cannot get it out of my head the fact that they let it grow for 6 weeks and that she may have had a better chance of survival in Thailand. I don't know enough to make a judgement call on this but I am seeking answers and information. And yes I feel guilty that I didn't get her home immediately. I am not trying to feel better about this because I can't bring her back and if anything I'm of the opinion that she would have had a better chance in Thailand.
I hope some of you can help me put the jigsaw together a little even if it confirms what I already feel, that I played a major part in her death 💔
Thank you for helping me find my answers 🙏🏼💔😭
TLDR : Answer Summary
The post reflects on the deep grief and guilt experienced by a partner after losing someone to cancer. The author expresses anguish over the timing of medical decisions and whether relocating to Thailand earlier could have changed the outcome. Comments from the community offer empathy, insights on healthcare differences, and encouragement to focus on the love shared rather than on regrets, highlighting the complexities of grief and the challenges of processing such a loss.
